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What is Self Help? – A Complete Guide

Kanza Ashar November 13, 2020

Most people use self-help as a synonym for personal development. But there is a thin line that differentiates both of them from each other. Without further ado let’s discuss it in detail:

What is Self-Help:

Self-help is merely related to one’s own self. It involves achieving something without the help of any other person. Self-help makes you a self-dependent person. You do not have to rely on other people for anything. Like calming your anger or making a decision for yourself. You have to learn a skill for your own self and assist yourself. It’s all about having solo improvements. All of these improvements can be achieve by reading self-help literature. 

Personality development:

Personality development on the other hand is a very complex process. It demands the presence of another person too, in order to get the results you want. You can hire a personal development coach or a mentor who will guide you throughout to upgrade your behavior. In that way, you evolve your personality. 

SELF-HELP TOPICS

Acknowledging all the advantages and disadvantages of self-help. Let’s discuss some topics that come under this domain.

Let’s discuss all of them in detail.

ANGER MANAGEMENT

 One of the most dominating emotions of human personality is anger. Anger triggers not only just emotional response but it also affects you physically. This temporary emotion can lead us to make irrational decisions which we may regret later in our life. If you are a person who does not have control over your anger. You need help. Excessive anger can trigger many physical as well as mental diseases. Therefore, you need to learn anger management skills. Because in the state of anger it is only you who can help yourself.

PUBLIC RELATION

 Having relationships with people is very important. As humans, we are social animals. We cannot live alone. If you want good relations with people around you then you must follow some guidelines. First of all, you have to avoid arguments as much as possible. If the other person is not ready to listen to your perspective, stay quiet. You also have to be very careful when you are telling people about your ideas. Other than that you have to be grateful and humble towards people. Your words of affection and care can make someone’s day. Be a good listener.

 

DEPRESSION

Depression has become one of the most common mental health issues. A big ratio of teenagers is being subjected to this disease. There are so many causes of depression. Mainly the environmental causes like a major conflict, death of a dear one, business loss and serious illness, etc are some of the causes of this disease. Other factors may include medications and genetic factors. 

Seeking medical help is always recommended. But if you feel like that you are in the initial stage of this disease you can somehow manage it. Read the literature based on self-help. As a person subjected to depression lacks interest in all pleasurable activities. That is where a book can play its role. A book is the wisest friend one can have. Therefore, a self-help book is definitely going to assist you in all your bad times.

 

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STRESS HANDLING

There is not a person on earth who has never been through a stressful situation. But excessive stress is never good for anyone. If you freak out in situations and you think that stress is controlling your life. You need to help yourself. As we stated above if your condition is serious you must seek medical help. Let’s get a brief on what is stress and what are its causes. Stress is emotional tension in which usually the person feels agitated and restless.

There are several causes of stress including excessive worry about something, facing challenging situations, changing circumstances in life, the pressure of work, etc. If you are a person who is always stressed and tense. People will probably not like you. Every human wants people around him who are relaxed and easy-going. Furthermore, we all are striving to seek validation from each other. Therefore, if you want an easy life and an attractive personality. You have to learn the skill of stress handling.  Using these skills will make you get out of any difficulty.

COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Having good communication skills make your personality very attractive. Communicating effectively and clearly makes relationships strong. Communication is much more than words. It includes facial gestures, body language, tone of voice, emphasis, and timing of saying something. This skill not only impacts your job, profession, career, family life but all the other relationships. If you ever feel you cannot be assertive in your arguments, you fail to convince people. Then you definitely have to upgrade your communication skills. There are so many books available on how to improve your communication skills. Once you have your grip on them. Not only you will see a dramatic change in your personality but others are going to praise you too.

 

LEADERSHIP SKILLS

We all want to become a leader. It is wrong to say that only a few people can become leaders or some people are born to be leaders. Everyone can become a leader. You just have to learn some skills like how to persuade people, how to create charisma in your personality etc.

 

SELF-CONFIDENCE

In this fast-changing world. We all want to become confident in what we say and what we do. Self- confidence is the key to success. It creates charm in your personality. People are persuaded when you are confident about what you are saying. Self-help is always a good option. When you want to impress people you have to have a better understanding of yourself first. Self-awareness will help you identify the weak and strong points of your personality. This will help you to use your strong point whenever you are in an argument. You can then easily work on the weak points to overcome them.

 

DECISION MAKING

Everyone has the desire to make the best decision in their lives. Good decisions make life easy. If you end up making decisions based on your emotional reactions or prejudice, then you definitely need to upgrade your thinking patterns. Decisions made on the basis of prejudice and low willpower are going to create a hazard in your life. So, rather than regretting your decisions. Get some help on how to make good decisions. Self-help is really important here.

 

EMOTIONAL BALANCE

Apart from physical balance human beings require emotional balance as well. Emotions are an essential part of human life. Every day we feel so many emotions like being happy, sad, anxious, curious, secure, healthy, etc. But if any emotion gets prolonged than the expected duration then it is something to worry about. Emotional balance is an essential part of human survival. If our emotions get disrupted our life can become miserable.

 

HABIT FORMULATION

Good habits make the life of a person attractive and charming. If you are subjected to bad habits. Then you have to change them. No Doubt that it is the most difficult thing to do. But it is not impossible to form a habit. Once you have made a good habit you will see a change in your personality. Good habit involves reading books, eating and sleeping habits, etc. You can do certain practices to formulate a habit pattern. One of them is self-punishment for not achieving your goal. Reward and punishment play a very important role in helping you to formulate a habit.

 

SETTING LIFE GOALS

  We all want to become determined in our life. A person who is confused and does not know what should he do. He is not going to be liked by people. Indecisive people can never become successful in their lives. You must set a life goal. This will make you determined about what you have to do in your life and what you have to achieve. The purpose of life gets wider. Life is not all about living for yourself. Its meaning gets versatile when you start serving people around you. Set a life goal in which it is not only related to your growth but also the growth of the people who are around you or are in a relationship ship with you.

 

DEALING WITH PEOPLE

To deal with people around you, first, you have to learn how to react to a certain behavior of someone. This is not only going to groom your personality but you will also learn some very important aspects of human nature. Treat people with kindness. Make the people realize that they are important. Tell them that without them you cannot be functional in a particular field.

Nowadays it has become very hard to determine human behavior. Our culture is changing day by day. Things that were unacceptable a decade ago are becoming acceptable. So, in this fast-changing world, we are only left with one option. The survival of the fittest. That means the person who fits the norms and cultures of society is going to survive. Society’s norm usually stays the same. Hence, this makes the prediction of behaviors quite easy.

 

Start by doing what's necessary, then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. -Saint Francis of Assisi Click To Tweet

TOP 10 SELF-HELP BOOK

How to influence friends and win people by Dale Carnegie

Atomic habits by James clear

7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen R. Covey

The power of positive thinking by Norman Vincent Peal

The subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson

Who moved my cheese by Jhonson spencer

Man’s search for meaning by Victor Frankl

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Think and grow rich by Napoleon Hill

 

ADVANTAGES OF SELF-HELP

 

CONFIDENCE:

A very big achievement of self-help is that it boosts your confidence level. It enhances your thinking and decision-making skills. You can do things according to your own will power. According to a famous proverb, you are what you think and your thinking is based on what type of content you consume. So, when you consume mature and sensible content, like reading literature based on self-help, you are definitely going to see a dramatic change in yourself. Your life is going to be drastically improved. You become self-aware and hence your sense of recognizing your potential increases

 

APPRECIATION:

Your efforts are never gone waste. And especially if you are putting effort into yourself. Everyone can clearly see a change in your way of talking and thinking. This is going to influence people and you will definitely get appreciations. This praise is directly going to boost your confidence and motivate you to work more on yourself.

 

SELF HELP IS CHEAP:

Comparative to personal development self-help is inexpensive. Because you do not have to hire a mentor or coach for guidance. There are hundreds of books you can find in self-help literature. Besides hardcopies, there are many free E-books too which you can read as well.

 

ROLE MODEL:

Studying and implementing the learnings in your daily life, can make you a role model for people around you. You can become an influencer. You can influence your children and siblings. As behavioral psychology says that people intimate or model the people they are being influenced. Hence, there are likely to be more chances that people will copy you and model the behaviors you do. As you will become an amazing role model for them.

 

DISADVANTAGES OF SELF-HELP

 

ANTI SCIENTIFIC BASE:

Many researchers have proved that self-help does not have a scientific base. This puts question marks on the validity and reliability of this method. The solution to this problem is preferred to have a pre-test of the self-help guidance in order to ensure the reliability of the method being used.

 

CLAIMING FALSE HOPES:

Some self-help books are merely based on claiming of false hopes. They are made to believe the readers that this book is the solution to all their problems. But when the expectations of readers are not fulfilled in the practical field of life. It creates a sense of disappointment in the person and the person is directly exposed to extreme frustration and a state of hopelessness.

 

VARIATION:

As a reader, we all know that every author has his own sense of ideas and ideologies for a specific issue. These ideas are based on their own very experiences which either can be true or false. Therefore, one cannot easily distinguish which idea to adopt and which do not. For example, for some authors, the solution to all the problems is not to worry at all and for others, it is to find the best possible situation and making the right decision. For some writer’s life is all about being happy and enjoying the moments and not showing concerns about anything and for some, life is all about making a plan, meditations, and solutions.

 

OVER PRICING:

Some authors are just nowadays using their fame to earn money. They create hype in the market about their upcoming books, seminars, and stuff like that to convince as many people as they can to buy it. They ensure that you will not regret your decision. Therefore, using the consumer psychology trick, in which the consumer agreed upon getting the price pain to get a “branded” service. In that way, they overcharge their services.

Top SELF-HELP Trainers

There are so many psychologists and other people who have contributed to writing the literature for the self-help books. Here are the top 12 self-help mentors you need to know:

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